How Dry Run Divorce Works
A Structured Approach to Divorce Discernment
Dry Run Divorce incorporates the principles of mediation, collaborative law, discernment counseling, and psychology to create a safe space,to reach mutual agreement on issues that divide the couple and to reach a joint decision whether to divorce or to reconcile. Either spouse can terminate the mediated process at any time.
Often, one person is leaning more toward divorce than the other, and emotions run high on both sides. Dry Run Divorce allows the couple to step back from the brink and think through the ramifications of divorce, for themselves and their family.
Controlled Separation
A Flexible Alternative to Legal Separation
Sharing Control of the Process
Each person contributes to deciding on the boundaries and the goals of the controlled separation, through regularly scheduled meetings with Dr. Petrich, including:
The initial time period of the separation - usually six to 12 months
Communicating to the other spouse the “Bottom Line” of what it will take to save the marriage
Accountability checkpoints for measurable progress on the “Bottom Line”
Living arrangements during the separation
Actual calculations of child support, maintenaance, budgets, and possible property settlement options, as provided for in statutes
How to handle the marital residence and its expenses and maintenance
How to communicate with one another and with family and friends (what to tell the children, for example)
Exploring the Issues
Through the controlled separation period, Dr. Petrich serves in the role of mediator as a neutral third party, who can help guide discussions on difficult subjects and coordinate with the couple’s therapists and attorneys.
The issues addressed through mediation are the same as those involved in preparing a divorce agreement.
The status of each person’s finances, entered into a confidential software program
The parenting plan, including preparing a script to talk to the children about the separation and coaching the parents to avoid loyalty binds for the children
The request for maintenance (alimony), if any
The eventual division of property in a divorce
The plan for handling the marital residence and its furnishings during the separation and in the divorce agreement
The week by week parenting schedule, including holidays, vacations, expenses for the children, and special needs of the children
Sometimes, the couple may consider “nesting,” which allows the children to stay in the home, while the parents live separately, taking turns staying in the marital residence during their regularly scheduled parenting times.
The goal is to provide a safe space to consider the details of a potential divorce agreement in the hope of achieving either an uncontested divorce settlement or a reconciliation for the marriage.
Maintaining Privacy
The controlled separation allows the couple to share pacing and control of the process in private, rather than facing demands of the Court for repeated status dates after filing for divorce, while avoiding public court proceedings and expenses. To maintain neutrality, Dr. Petrich cannot serve as the attorney for the couple, but does provide general legal information on divorce law. She can also consult with each individual’s attorney, if they have hired attorneys, to help referee any disputes.
Should You Stay or Go?
Deciding to pursue a divorce is painful and emotional, even if you view divorce as a solution to your marital problems. Dry Run Divorce allows you to hit the “reset button” on your relationship and discover the real ramifications of divorce as you live apart.
Taking the time to reach the right decision and a mutual agreement is time you will never regret. Walking away knowing you did everything you could to save the marriage puts both partners on the track for healing.